Thursday, October 23, 2008

Children and Beer: For Laughs

It is now an established fact that all human motive and action is due to beer; not merely among adults but also among children. The whole life of a child, of either sex is actuated by beer. The first action of which a child is capable is a lusty yell; we have established that this is no less than a cry for beer, or at any rate for some kind of drink. The next action of the child is to drink. If it does not drink beer it is because it's system is not yet capable of drinking beer. But behind the relish of milk is the desire for beer. These we call the primary instincts. The secondary instincts are to be found in the love of popping corks, of yellow-brown colours, of frothy substances like soap and so on. The child calls his father Papa, which represents the popping of the cork, and his mother Mamma which gives the noise of the liquid being poured into a glass. All the gurgling noises of childhood go to prove the strength of the instinct...
Most of our knowledge is based upon dreams, which we have taken as the most reliable evidence scientifically possible. We know, by means too elaborate to tell here, that even very young children dream about beer; nay, more, that they dream about nothing else. When a child dreams of a boat upon a lake, what is it but a symbol of beer? Of a shower of pain, a river, a sea? Everything yellow or brown is beer. Every thing frothy or sparkling is beer. Everything in something else is beer; a nut in its shell, for example, is obviously representative of beer in the bottle. Everything issuing from an aperture is beer Everything that moves is beer, particularly quick moving jerky things, which are reminiscent of "hops". In fact, we can say that the child cannot dream of anything but beer. There is no dream possible but beer .

1 comment:

Vim Vocifero said...

This is a great and hugely entertaining piece, originally by, I believe, that excellent man, G. K. Chesterton.